Why I need you to Live


Life! I gave up on it twice with one attempt being almost being fatal. Walk with me on a small portion of my journey on continuing to live in spite of. I can promise you today that days are not always bright but my hope in tomorrow is always greater than the pain of any day. I survived and so can you! Live in the mist of with help and finish your journey. Awaiting to hug you in the light of life. #YourFuture #LifeMatters #HoldOn

Hi, my name is Shenetta Malkia and life today for me does not mirror any of the fears I thought it would. There was no bright light or hope insight or so I thought. You see everything for me was full of dread, darkness, fear and many insecurities. Those were just the obvious things any caring person would know when they saw me, right? Wrong!

Are you familiar with Halloween? Great I thought you would be. Let’s just say I wore different mask at different times of my life beginning very early.
Life for me started probably not much different from you in one way or another. I’m originally from Queens NY. Just me and my mom as like a lot of us my dad was in jail and very much not present in my life. The birthday cards were great but I had no idea the more I longed for much later.

Mom was super mom, though I did not show my appreciation for her as I should have. In and out of group homes I learned a new love for others suffering as I was.

My Queen, that how I refer to her today truly showed me how to live independently, but the healing aspect of life was missed. I learned how to push through but pushing without getting to the root of the pain will push you to new end. Not knowing what’s wrong will keep you trapped blaming. Healing for me was unknown even with the therapy in my grade school age. Can you say daddy issues? Indeed I had them and again did not understand how words spoken to me and around were effecting me and my thinking. This was root number one. Now root number two was the trauma suffered due to BULLYING!

BULLYING, my gosh it shaped me, tore me, reduced my ability to believe I was normal or ok. It striped me of true possibilities of a healthy, safe childhood. My reaction to the bullying got me in much trouble. I remember one incident of being on my school bus and this little boy kept teasing me about my hair, clothes and family. You see anything you said about my absent father broke me. I told the boy to leave me alone or I was going to bring a butcher knife tomorrow and cut him. That lead to more bullying and me following threw with my promise. Kicked out of Green Elementary in Richmond VA I was but no one ever addressed the why. No one addressed the bullying.

This was the first of many more bullying incidents throughout my school years. More and more insecurities grew. Greater anger and depression I did not understand. My behavior changed again and again. With the many other issues I had been masking such as my rape at 15, I grew into an empty person wanting to be accepted and screaming for help I did not know I needed.

The last 2 bullying incidents for me were in high school. The first was being being slapped in the face in front of a police station on my way home from school and the second was being thrown in a pool by the same 2 girls who caused the 1st assault. The details of each incident are what many of our youth face today. Today bullying is much worse and includes social media bullying. Many of our youth are dying by suicides due to the inhuman treatment of others. The number of suicides have increased by 10% over the last 10 years. For detailed numbers on suicides by classification visit www.empowermentessence.org.

Shenetta Malkia ~ 2x Survivor
#ISurvived #Live #Suicideprevention #AntiBullying #BullyBusters

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